My True Self (Yuuto)

Well, we're supposed to give statements about what our program music means to us.

I just got into the college of my dreams where I'm studying English education and music therapy. The professors are all very nice, which is quite the change from high school. I attended Havencraft High School after they rebuilt the school, but it was hardly a haven. I always felt like I had to do more and be more in order to make up for the events of the shooting.

Even after I vomited on my homework during an algebra lesson, my parents still wouldn't pull me out. They said this environment would be good for me to develop some "grit", but all I got was feeling sick and shaky all the time. Eventually, I learned how to hide it, but I still cried during my classes. Even worse, I had an unsympathetic English teacher. After school, she made me do extra "work" claiming that it would help me improve my handwriting. I wrote affirming statements and she ripped them up and threw them in the trash.

The school counselor told me to do the same thing and hang them on the wall, but I ended up throwing those away too. If my grades were okay, I was okay. If my grades were declining, I was lazy. I tried to compete with my peers, but I could never outdo them. I'm hopelessly clumsy. My only hope was figure skating, but my parents said my grades weren't high enough. They made me quit skating and, after that, I felt the worst I've ever felt.

They pulled me out eventually, but only after I tried to slit my wrists in a practice room. After that, I was transferred to DesiredCraft High School for the second semester of my sophomore year onwards. It was then that I discovered my idol, Steve. He looked so confident, like solid Teflon, like nothing could touch him. I remembered his girlfriend. She had a genuine, kind heart and, when I heard that she killed herself, I broke down in tears.

I mulled over what some things that she said and even made one of her Tweets my senior quote ("People are different. That means success is not the same for everyone."). I don't have to be something I'm not. I can let my personality shine through and be myself. But what is my personality? After a lifetime of copying everyone around me and meeting their needs, I've long forgotten what my own are. That's why I'm skating to Copycat for my free skate.

And Intermezzo? That shows off the little bit of my true self that I have.