Better (Steve)

Okay, what just happened?

We were fine a week ago and then everything went to pot. It looks like morale is down. Due to the temperature controls being broken, our spleef game was cancelled and I had the Mindcrack band entertain the audience for an hour and a half. Good call, right? Wrong.

Even though everyone got up and left, I made the mistake of making my band play longer. I thought someone would stay, but no. Everyone left. My students have a right to be mad at me, but that's no excuse for their shoddy marching. I had them run the drill again. Unsatisfactory run after unsatisfactory run followed. Why can't they do anything right? I taught them well, didn't I?

I told Chloe to do more micro-runs since those are at lease pseudo-productive. Rehearsal went down the drain. All of us are tired and bitter. Why did I keep them playing when the audience wasn't there? And why did they keep following me? I'm glad they followed me, but I'm still frustrated, both with them for the lack of productivity and with myself for not being a better band teacher.

Mark's band mastered all their sets and mine's struggling to get by. We only have one song. Our sets are simple. We've done it before, so why can't we do it again? My band did a reasonably successful full run, so I had them run it again. That run was a train wreck, but no one died. Rehearsal time ran out, so I released them rather than cutting into their passing period. In the Mindcrack band, respect is bilateral. If I don't respect my students' time, who am I tell them to respect mine?

I got to replacing the end pin on a school cello. Since that old end pin has snapped and been glued together too many times for it to be good for the cellist playing it, I repaired it. My students deserve better. My TV audience deserves better. The world's eyes are on me for many things: guidance, familiarity, and comfort. It never occurred to me until now that my presence on TV is a comfort, like I'm right there reaching out to millions of people just by sitting in front of a camera.

Landon deserves better. He's training for the ice show and gearing up for his first presentation at none other than Mineplex High School. I don't know if Mark bugged the staff into letting him present with surreal memes, but I'm still happy for him nonetheless. Why can I not be there for him more often? Why did he choose me? I've already failed Caitlin. If anyone deserves a second chance at a meaningful relationship, it's not me. I've already played with too many girls' emotions for it to sit well with my conscience. Even so, I feel guilty for missing her. I've already started another relationship. Isn't it time to move on?

Why can't the world have someone better?