Odds and Ends (Emmeline)

I'm singing Odds and Ends for my senior showcase and it seems that it was only yesterday that I learned to love the sound of my voice. I wished Caitlin were here to see me sing, but maybe she'll hear me in spirit. When I talked with her, I confessed that I hated my voice. I was in choir at the time and the director kept trying to hide my voice, but it always managed to stick out like a sore thumb. Did the choir director hate me or my voice?

The choir director called my voice the most unpleasant, grating sound that she had ever heard. As hard as I tried to sing classically, it wouldn't work. She told me I was straining, but this was just how my voice sounded. I tried persuading her to let me sing in the way that felt natural for me, but the choir director always told me that my voice was unfit for human ears.

It was then that my sister introduced me to Vocaloid and suggested that I sing from that genre. But would anyone take me seriously if I suggested it? She helped me with my first set of English lyrics and, when I sang, everyone said I was talented. I left choir and joined drama where my voice was actually wanted. I sang as much Vocaloid as my heart desired, examining the themes of each song. By that, I don't mean AP lit style analysis, but something deeper and more meaningful. Regardless of who sang it, the song was mine to sing and I would sing accordingly.

If I keep going the way I'm going, I'll graduate as valedictorian, athlete of the year, and musician of the year. I should be excited and ready to conquer the world, right? On the contrary, I'm terrified. I only know how to excel within a system. I only learned how to make myself look better. All I can do is uphold a system, not shape or invent one. What happens when I can't break from a system if I find it cruel or unjust? Caitlin warned me about this, but I didn't listen. The damage has been done and I fall apart bit by bit each day, into odds and ends.