Since I had little else to do or desire to do anything, I let autoplay run. After some random Teto song I didn't know, I heard the familiar sound of bells, then the violin came in and Rin's vocals hit me like an arrow to the heart. The robotic sound of Rin's voice alternated with the violin. Oddly enough, robotic as it was, the voice sounded like Caitlin. I started singing the Len part. There was nothing I wouldn't give to sing with her again, to harmonize like that one day we performed Kokoro singing over the brass band.
I heard Regret Message play next. I remembered when Caitlin was nothing more than an impedance to me, just another person to wait for. I just thought she was in the way of my goals, but little did I know that she would be our flagship member in a matter of months. From her first day, she embodied a humility that no one else even seemed to understand. She was a miracle, the best thing that ever happened to me.
The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku came on and, at this point, I couldn't even look at the subs as they blurred before my eyes. No, no. I couldn't cry. There was no way I'd let those tears out of my eyes. Get back in there. Focus on the words. Look at those cute little dance moves Miku does while she sings her nonexistent soul out. Her costumes are cute, aren't they?
Now even singing is the practice of breaking my body.
I paused the video and my eyes, having a mind of their own, released the flood of tears building up behind them. It's been a while since I've cried honestly. Caitlin was my confidante, my ally, my friend. Now that she was gone, I was alone. I had no one. She was torn to shreds by thousands of petty, selfish people all in the name of some flimsy narrative. After washing my face, I decided to take a walk.
Someone tried to punch me in the face. That was nothing new, but this woman was especially dogged. Trying to keep her off my tail, I kept walking. She still kept trying to get a blow at me. I couldn't fight back because that could be used against me. I could only keep walking, so I did just that. I took some random turns and, thinking I could get her away from me by going to a cafe to order something, she struck me in the nose. Blood started to gush out at an alarming rate, so I looked around. I found napkins and started pulling them out to stop the bleeding. She took another swing and hit me in the same location, causing more blood to come out. I begged for her to stop and, after she ran away, I just sat where I was awkwardly holding a wad of bloody napkins to my face. Someone who looked to be the owner approached me.
"Oh, thank goodness. She went that way." I pointed in the woman's direction.
"She? That person is a transgender man."
"Well, he went that way after punching me in the face. " I didn't have time to think about the person's gender, just my life.
"Well, I'm not having transphobes in my establishment, especially if you're the Havencraft shooter." Not wanting to fight, I left. I could feel the judgmental stares of the patrons on me as I left.
I got stopped in the street. Not thinking, I screamed "What do you want?" and raised my fists. The face was familiar, but I couldn't recall the name. He...or she, probably he, placed an envelope in my hands. It was sealed with a glittery sticker. I opened it.
Happy Valentine's day, you edgelord. ;)
Trying to find out who the card was from, I read the back, which read "From a secret admirer" in the same font: Times New Roman. Who would pull a grade school stunt like this, especially for me? Who would have known that I would be walking out of the cafe?
Who could it have been from? My first thought was Steve, but I didn't think he was attracted to men. Even if he was, he wouldn't be thinking about romance. He had too much on his hands between Caitlin's suicide and the new position as orchestra director.
