Well, we're supposed to give statements about what our program music means to us.
I just got into the college of my dreams where I'm studying English education and music therapy. The professors are all very nice, which is quite the change from high school. I attended Havencraft High School after they rebuilt the school, but it was hardly a haven. I always felt like I had to do more and be more in order to make up for the events of the shooting.
Even after I vomited on my homework during an algebra lesson, my parents still wouldn't pull me out. They said this environment would be good for me to develop some "grit", but all I got was feeling sick and shaky all the time. Eventually, I learned how to hide it, but I still cried during my classes. Even worse, I had an unsympathetic English teacher. After school, she made me do extra "work" claiming that it would help me improve my handwriting. I wrote affirming statements and she ripped them up and threw them in the trash.
The school counselor told me to do the same thing and hang them on the wall, but I ended up throwing those away too. If my grades were okay, I was okay. If my grades were declining, I was lazy. I tried to compete with my peers, but I could never outdo them. I'm hopelessly clumsy. My only hope was figure skating, but my parents said my grades weren't high enough. They made me quit skating and, after that, I felt the worst I've ever felt.
They pulled me out eventually, but only after I tried to slit my wrists in a practice room. After that, I was transferred to DesiredCraft High School for the second semester of my sophomore year onwards. It was then that I discovered my idol, Steve. He looked so confident, like solid Teflon, like nothing could touch him. I remembered his girlfriend. She had a genuine, kind heart and, when I heard that she killed herself, I broke down in tears.
I mulled over what some things that she said and even made one of her Tweets my senior quote ("People are different. That means success is not the same for everyone."). I don't have to be something I'm not. I can let my personality shine through and be myself. But what is my personality? After a lifetime of copying everyone around me and meeting their needs, I've long forgotten what my own are. That's why I'm skating to Copycat for my free skate.
And Intermezzo? That shows off the little bit of my true self that I have.
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Friday, August 18, 2017
High School Never Ends (Mark)
What have all these teaching classes shown me?
It's shown me that high school never ends. Even the teachers have the cool kids (adults?), the geeks, the jocks, and the pretty ones.
Interesting enough, the teachers tend to resemble the students. At Mineplex, half the English department is obviously stoned or high and the PE teachers all get in altercations with each other off campus. The language teachers either hate Despacito with a passion or love it and the math and science teachers have no social lives and/or are plotting world domination. Even with the fine arts department, I'm the class clown, the choir teacher takes herself too seriously, and the orchestra teacher, to put it nicely, is a narcissist.
At Mindcrack, Steve managed to wedge himself in between a social rock and a hard place. On one hand, the other teachers at Mindcrack all think the fine arts department has subpar intelligence. On another, the rest of the arts teachers resent Steve for being famous. We've taken to texting each other during our lunch breaks since they happen to line up. I'm glad this is the case.
He slayed the Ender Dragon, found love reinvented himself, found love again, and now his band program is going swimmingly. And me? No decent woman will even look in my direction, let alone talk to me. The news is all about who's with who, just like high school. Everyone has their own cliques unless they're one of those people who doesn't fit one archetype. I'm one of those people.
Even within various arts niches, the pattern still persists. All the band directors are either flute or trumpet players, the saxophones end up getting nothing but jazz gigs, and the violins all compete to see who played the best concerto. The clarinets are intellectuals and the flugelhorns make the dankest memes (or is that just me)? Everyone competes to see who has the best horn, the fastest double tonguing, the band with the most trophies, or whatever skill du jour is trending.
High school never ends.
It's shown me that high school never ends. Even the teachers have the cool kids (adults?), the geeks, the jocks, and the pretty ones.
Interesting enough, the teachers tend to resemble the students. At Mineplex, half the English department is obviously stoned or high and the PE teachers all get in altercations with each other off campus. The language teachers either hate Despacito with a passion or love it and the math and science teachers have no social lives and/or are plotting world domination. Even with the fine arts department, I'm the class clown, the choir teacher takes herself too seriously, and the orchestra teacher, to put it nicely, is a narcissist.
At Mindcrack, Steve managed to wedge himself in between a social rock and a hard place. On one hand, the other teachers at Mindcrack all think the fine arts department has subpar intelligence. On another, the rest of the arts teachers resent Steve for being famous. We've taken to texting each other during our lunch breaks since they happen to line up. I'm glad this is the case.
He slayed the Ender Dragon, found love reinvented himself, found love again, and now his band program is going swimmingly. And me? No decent woman will even look in my direction, let alone talk to me. The news is all about who's with who, just like high school. Everyone has their own cliques unless they're one of those people who doesn't fit one archetype. I'm one of those people.
Even within various arts niches, the pattern still persists. All the band directors are either flute or trumpet players, the saxophones end up getting nothing but jazz gigs, and the violins all compete to see who played the best concerto. The clarinets are intellectuals and the flugelhorns make the dankest memes (or is that just me)? Everyone competes to see who has the best horn, the fastest double tonguing, the band with the most trophies, or whatever skill du jour is trending.
High school never ends.
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
A Little Reinvention (Steve)
Well, no one got killed by a bass drum yet, so that's good.
The Mindcrack band is well on their way to being a great marching band. No one got run over during the formations and, aside from unevenness in some of the steps, everything went very well. Chloe and Diana are doing well as drum majors while Nathan is taking care of organizing stuff. Despite the bad press from the suicide crisis, Nathan Takeda chose to attend Mindcrack. Despite my offering him a spot on the field, Nathan said he was content just printing drill and playing in the pit.
Ayako won the award and she's the clarinet section leader. She hasn't told me of any plans of what she wants to do with her life, but high school is too early for that. I wanted to be a professional athlete, but I got injured and had to go through with my backup plan: music education. I also didn't plan on doing social commentary, but such is the life of a TV star. Well, even if I didn't get injured, I'd still have a problem as a professional athlete.
I have an intersex condition that gave me female parts and, thus, I have periods. I wouldn't be able to play on men's or women's teams without a lot of public outcry and controversy. I got good at hiding it and explaining why I had blood on my pants. (I had to be inventive with that one.) I may tell my students sometime, but not yet. No one else knows besides my doctor and some other people, so I'll tell my closest friends first to see how that goes.
My phone chimed. It was Mark and Landon. They started singing something familiar, something my students like to sing under their breaths. Yes, the insanely cool Mark Navoa is my friend. I honestly don't know why he chose to put up with me from the start, but he did and I'm more than grateful for that. I don't know how he does it, always smiling and joking his way through life. It's like he doesn't feel any pain.
The Mindcrack band is well on their way to being a great marching band. No one got run over during the formations and, aside from unevenness in some of the steps, everything went very well. Chloe and Diana are doing well as drum majors while Nathan is taking care of organizing stuff. Despite the bad press from the suicide crisis, Nathan Takeda chose to attend Mindcrack. Despite my offering him a spot on the field, Nathan said he was content just printing drill and playing in the pit.
Ayako won the award and she's the clarinet section leader. She hasn't told me of any plans of what she wants to do with her life, but high school is too early for that. I wanted to be a professional athlete, but I got injured and had to go through with my backup plan: music education. I also didn't plan on doing social commentary, but such is the life of a TV star. Well, even if I didn't get injured, I'd still have a problem as a professional athlete.
I have an intersex condition that gave me female parts and, thus, I have periods. I wouldn't be able to play on men's or women's teams without a lot of public outcry and controversy. I got good at hiding it and explaining why I had blood on my pants. (I had to be inventive with that one.) I may tell my students sometime, but not yet. No one else knows besides my doctor and some other people, so I'll tell my closest friends first to see how that goes.
My phone chimed. It was Mark and Landon. They started singing something familiar, something my students like to sing under their breaths. Yes, the insanely cool Mark Navoa is my friend. I honestly don't know why he chose to put up with me from the start, but he did and I'm more than grateful for that. I don't know how he does it, always smiling and joking his way through life. It's like he doesn't feel any pain.
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Q and A (Landon)
Title: Ask Landon: Q and A Time!
Uploader: LandonLakesMilk
Well, this my first audience Q and A video. I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but I didn't really have the guts to do it, so here goes!
This is from Radfem Anita: What makes you think you have the right to make commentary on the Havencraft shooting? You must hate the survivors enough to speak over them. I hope you die.
Well, thank you, Radfem Anita. I've been wanting to answer this question for a while and I'm glad you asked. I believe that, when things like this happen, it helps to understand all perspectives and I'm giving mine as a way of paying it forward and making myself a better person. And no, I don't hate the survivors. I owe them my take on things. I uploaded my vlogs for them...and for others. If I hated them, I certainly wouldn't make commentary videos like mine. If you think my take is skewed, it probably is because *gasp* I'm speaking from my own perspective about what I did.
From landy-longlegs: WOW I wish everyone else could see how talented you are! How do I show that I'm a fan of your current content and not some wacko who condones the shooting?
Aww, now you're making me blush! Well, just refer to me as your favorite dancer or singer. Referencing videos helps and, by the way, I'm going to be participating in an ice show in the near future, so stay tuned for that. I can't give any other specifics about the ice show because of their policies, but I'll inform you guys as much as I can. As for the latter part of your question, just explain that I'm a content creator and that you like my content. You don't need to say why.
From catcatcat12: You're such a good horn player! I loved your solo in your Yuri on Brass concert! How do I sound like you?
Well, thank you. It takes lots of practice. Lots. Of. Practice. I do lip slurs and scales every day. On that note, every instrumentalist has their own individual sound and you should focus first and foremost on getting your best sound from your instrument.
From I Couldn't Think of a Good Username: How do you...ah...keep everything contained when you dance?
Two words: Dance belt. *holds one up for the camera* Please comment if you want a tutorial on how to wear one of these. I wish I had one.
And *scrolls*...that's a bot. Don't click on that.
From landen4353: hi my name is landen it's the same as yours only it's spelled kind of differently. i have a bit of a problem. you see, my parents want me to go to havencraft (i'm going into high school), but i'm worried that i'm going to be bullied because of my name. they won't listen to me and i was wondering if you could offer me some advice.
Well, Landen, first of all, Hi! I never thought I'd meet someone with the same name. *waving intensifies*
Well, first of all, just go in. Hold your head up high and create your own reputation. It's been several years since the shooting took place, so no student survivors currently attend the school. Not only that, the school itself was totally rebuilt and updated with new technology and things. Join a club or try to make one of your own. Keep your grades up, but not too high and I know everyone says this, but just be yourself. Be the best Landen you can be and you will be successful. That's what I did by starting my many YouTube channels. If you go and feel genuinely unsafe, like you think someone's going to hurt you, please tell your parents to pull you out. I wish I had done that. It would have saved so many lives.
I'd also like to note that--and this goes for everyone--if you start to feel like nothing's making you happy, like you're in a never-ending rut, please (I'M BEGGING YOU) go to a counselor, a teacher, or your parents. Even if it's "not that bad", just do it anyway. Getting the help you need early on will save lives whether that's your life or other peoples' lives. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that I could go back and start my life over again. Not only that, but, if your school ever takes disciplinary or legal action just from you talking about homicidal ideation in the absence of you making threats or attempting to act on it, they're in the wrong. Any school that really cares about preventing future shootings will not make a "display of force" (force being petty authoritarianism) as I call it and thus and drive the student away from asking for and receiving help. In short, just be your best self, get help when you need it, and let your parents know if you genuinely feel unsafe in any way.
That's all for today and I hope you enjoyed my video. I'll definitely do more Q and As in the future, but why don't you guys check out my other channels in the meantime? It's really been a pleasure to get to know my audience and I'll even have a survey out in the near future.
Bye~
Uploader: LandonLakesMilk
Well, this my first audience Q and A video. I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but I didn't really have the guts to do it, so here goes!
This is from Radfem Anita: What makes you think you have the right to make commentary on the Havencraft shooting? You must hate the survivors enough to speak over them. I hope you die.
Well, thank you, Radfem Anita. I've been wanting to answer this question for a while and I'm glad you asked. I believe that, when things like this happen, it helps to understand all perspectives and I'm giving mine as a way of paying it forward and making myself a better person. And no, I don't hate the survivors. I owe them my take on things. I uploaded my vlogs for them...and for others. If I hated them, I certainly wouldn't make commentary videos like mine. If you think my take is skewed, it probably is because *gasp* I'm speaking from my own perspective about what I did.
From landy-longlegs: WOW I wish everyone else could see how talented you are! How do I show that I'm a fan of your current content and not some wacko who condones the shooting?
Aww, now you're making me blush! Well, just refer to me as your favorite dancer or singer. Referencing videos helps and, by the way, I'm going to be participating in an ice show in the near future, so stay tuned for that. I can't give any other specifics about the ice show because of their policies, but I'll inform you guys as much as I can. As for the latter part of your question, just explain that I'm a content creator and that you like my content. You don't need to say why.
From catcatcat12: You're such a good horn player! I loved your solo in your Yuri on Brass concert! How do I sound like you?
Well, thank you. It takes lots of practice. Lots. Of. Practice. I do lip slurs and scales every day. On that note, every instrumentalist has their own individual sound and you should focus first and foremost on getting your best sound from your instrument.
From I Couldn't Think of a Good Username: How do you...ah...keep everything contained when you dance?
Two words: Dance belt. *holds one up for the camera* Please comment if you want a tutorial on how to wear one of these. I wish I had one.
And *scrolls*...that's a bot. Don't click on that.
From landen4353: hi my name is landen it's the same as yours only it's spelled kind of differently. i have a bit of a problem. you see, my parents want me to go to havencraft (i'm going into high school), but i'm worried that i'm going to be bullied because of my name. they won't listen to me and i was wondering if you could offer me some advice.
Well, Landen, first of all, Hi! I never thought I'd meet someone with the same name. *waving intensifies*
Well, first of all, just go in. Hold your head up high and create your own reputation. It's been several years since the shooting took place, so no student survivors currently attend the school. Not only that, the school itself was totally rebuilt and updated with new technology and things. Join a club or try to make one of your own. Keep your grades up, but not too high and I know everyone says this, but just be yourself. Be the best Landen you can be and you will be successful. That's what I did by starting my many YouTube channels. If you go and feel genuinely unsafe, like you think someone's going to hurt you, please tell your parents to pull you out. I wish I had done that. It would have saved so many lives.
I'd also like to note that--and this goes for everyone--if you start to feel like nothing's making you happy, like you're in a never-ending rut, please (I'M BEGGING YOU) go to a counselor, a teacher, or your parents. Even if it's "not that bad", just do it anyway. Getting the help you need early on will save lives whether that's your life or other peoples' lives. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that I could go back and start my life over again. Not only that, but, if your school ever takes disciplinary or legal action just from you talking about homicidal ideation in the absence of you making threats or attempting to act on it, they're in the wrong. Any school that really cares about preventing future shootings will not make a "display of force" (force being petty authoritarianism) as I call it and thus and drive the student away from asking for and receiving help. In short, just be your best self, get help when you need it, and let your parents know if you genuinely feel unsafe in any way.
That's all for today and I hope you enjoyed my video. I'll definitely do more Q and As in the future, but why don't you guys check out my other channels in the meantime? It's really been a pleasure to get to know my audience and I'll even have a survey out in the near future.
Bye~
Monday, August 7, 2017
Changes (Mark)
I don't know how to tell my students about this.
I'm getting multiple procedures done during the school year and, though I've been looking forward to the changes they entail, I've been putting them off because I don't want my personal life to interfere with my professional life. If I keep demanding that my students put in the work by showing up on time, isn't it fair that I do that too? What am I saying by getting a ton of surgeries that aren't technically necessary? I mean, I still experience a lot of dysphoria, but it's not like my life is in imminent danger because of it.
Not only that, I don't want anyone to think that I necessarily promote being trans. I'd give an arm and a leg to be a cis man or even a woman. Now that my gender is interfering with my teaching, it's a reason for schools to not hire transgender teachers. I don't even know if any of my students or the parents have caught on that I'm trans, but I'm sure someone has. Either way this news is received, I'll do my best with regards to approaching in the issue in a way that isn't melodramatic or excessively political.
On the other hand, this is going to force me to be more honest about myself with my students. I keep encouraging them to talk to me when they have issues, but I think part of the reason why they don't talk to me about certain things is that I don't open up much myself. I know I'm supposed to be "professional" about this, but when has that ever been my style? Now, to find a meme that conveys this issue.
On a totally unrelated note, Pyware decided to eat Steve's drill, so I'm helping him rewrite it. He sent me screenshots of some pretty weird stuff, so we're totally reinventing the show. At first, he protested when I added some back marching, but he later agreed to incorporate it since he's having them back march anyway. Despite a few snafus, the Mindcrack marching band is catching on pretty quickly. They'll be better than Mineplex in no time.
I think I'll tell him about this sooner or later, but, first, I'm telling him that his band needs to do some sight singing. It'd really help with their tuning problems.
I'm getting multiple procedures done during the school year and, though I've been looking forward to the changes they entail, I've been putting them off because I don't want my personal life to interfere with my professional life. If I keep demanding that my students put in the work by showing up on time, isn't it fair that I do that too? What am I saying by getting a ton of surgeries that aren't technically necessary? I mean, I still experience a lot of dysphoria, but it's not like my life is in imminent danger because of it.
Not only that, I don't want anyone to think that I necessarily promote being trans. I'd give an arm and a leg to be a cis man or even a woman. Now that my gender is interfering with my teaching, it's a reason for schools to not hire transgender teachers. I don't even know if any of my students or the parents have caught on that I'm trans, but I'm sure someone has. Either way this news is received, I'll do my best with regards to approaching in the issue in a way that isn't melodramatic or excessively political.
On the other hand, this is going to force me to be more honest about myself with my students. I keep encouraging them to talk to me when they have issues, but I think part of the reason why they don't talk to me about certain things is that I don't open up much myself. I know I'm supposed to be "professional" about this, but when has that ever been my style? Now, to find a meme that conveys this issue.
On a totally unrelated note, Pyware decided to eat Steve's drill, so I'm helping him rewrite it. He sent me screenshots of some pretty weird stuff, so we're totally reinventing the show. At first, he protested when I added some back marching, but he later agreed to incorporate it since he's having them back march anyway. Despite a few snafus, the Mindcrack marching band is catching on pretty quickly. They'll be better than Mineplex in no time.
I think I'll tell him about this sooner or later, but, first, I'm telling him that his band needs to do some sight singing. It'd really help with their tuning problems.
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