Lost Words (Steve)

I was sitting the waiting room waiting for Dr. Chen to come through the door. I instinctively leaned my head on Caitlin's shoulder. However, she wasn't there. She was still in the hospital while her students were swarming her with get well cards. I ended up bumping my head on a chair's armrest, which hurt. It was just me all alone in a foreign environment. An eerie silence laced the place. 

I got up and sat down in the chair in the exam room. Dr. Chen had her hair in a French braid and wore a friendly smile that I have only seen once before in a lifetime. She reminded me of Kyle from the Mindcrack band.
          "Ah, you're the slayer of the Ender Dragon! Your friend, Andrew recommended that I see you." She had me put on a hospital gown, which was honestly very awkward to wear. It was cold and drafty, but not in the good way a mineshaft feels like. "Let's scan that brain of yours and find what's inside." To be honest, I expected her to be cold and robotic. Instead, she was warm and enthusiastic. Her presence was comforting. A nurse took me too the imaging room.
        "Do you have anything metal in your body like a pacemaker?"
        "No." The answer took about a second to form. I didn't even know what a pacemaker was. I felt the contrast dye run through my vein. The rush was like cold water. I laid down and heard the clatter of the equipment. It was foreign and chaotic unlike the driving beat of a percussion section. I laid there cold and helpless. I could see why Caitlin did not like getting MRIs. She flinched at the sound of the school bell or a bass drum striking at the wrong time. This was like that, only happening at random intervals. I turned on my side at the technician's word and the chaos continued.

After that disaster was over, I got to my feet and put my clothes back on. Hospital gowns suck. I don't know how anyone puts up with them. The one I received had this very ugly pink floral print (read: a smattering of pink splotches that vaguely resemble flowers). Really? That was part of the aesthetically pleasing hospital gowns initiative? Blue stripes would have been infinitely better.
        "All right. Let's get thee to an SLP. You'll get your MRI results in about a week." What is an SLP? All these acronyms float in my head like alphabet soup. I followed Dr. Chen through the long corridors to greet whoever the SLP was. "This is Dr. Yun." Dr. Yun led me into his room. I repeated some words back at him at his orders.
        "Do you work?" It was a simple question. The response formed quickly: Yes, I do. I'm the Mindcrack Middle and High School band director. I also play for the Minecraft Symphony Orchestra and the Impulsive Brass Band.
        "Yes. I teach music. Play, too." That is what came out of my mouth, haltingly and effortfully. Dr. Yun looked at me critically. He wrote something down and handed me a Scantron sheet. I felt nauseous after taking the test. It continued. I threw up twice. It was awful.
        "All right, then. How is your life? I hear you're about to get married."
        "Yes. To...Caitlin Netherfield." Ah, Caitlin! I wish you were here.
        "Tell me about her." Oh, where do I begin? Her musical talents? The way she twirls her hair? Her empathetic gaze? The kindness and selflessness with which she goes about life? The sanguine flush of her cheeks after combat?
        "She is very smart. Also pretty."
        "Is she a musician too?"
        "Yes."
        "What does she play?"
        "Clarinet. And French horn. She sings too."
        "She seems to be very talented." Dr. Yun shuffled some papers. "It appears that your IQ is 132, which is very high. Your strong area is visual reasoning and your weak area is verbal. I noticed that you write with the pencil on your ring finger, but that's not what we're here for today. You seem healthy and strong as an ox. Aside from the vomiting when reading, nothing seems to be wrong with you medically." Well, what was I here for? I totally forgot. He stared at me unsettlingly. How could Dr. Chen recommend that I see such a creep? Dr. Yun faced his computer, which gave me relief from his eyes. I looked around at the posters. One of them showed a diagram of how the mouth works. The other had a list of clinical terms no human being could pronounce.
        "All right. I have reached a conclusion." He handed me a sheet of paper with some random graphs and charts. Then, in the corner, I saw "Aphasia: Broca's" written in large letters. "You have aphasia of the expressive variety. It is a classic case of Broca's aphasia, but quite a mild form. You have trouble finding the right words, but you know you want to say. You seem, however, to be getting on well with the few words you have." Tell me about it. "You still have good comprehension, but your expression is weak. You have good pitch and repetition, tough. I'll send your IQ test in for further testing for other things. Please see me if you have other concerns. A disability of this nature can be very hard to live with." Wait, what? That really threw me for a loop. I walked out of the office with a new weight on my shoulders. I have a disability. Wait, could that be true? I felt like I walked into battle and then had my armor torn off of my body.

As I was making my way back out, a man stopped me. I had no idea who he was.
        "Dr. Yun is a creep, isn't he?" He was so calm and collected. I noticed that his eyes looked hazy. They didn't glow like Andreas's eyes, though.
        "Yes."
        "It's a good thing I recommended against Anna seeing him. I'm Valan, by the way. I saw a high school kid with glowing eyes walk out, for a sports physical, I assume."
        "I'm Steve. You speak of Andreas." Whoa. I did NOT intend to sound like an old book!
        "Is he one of your students?"
        "Yes."
        "What subject?"
        "Band. He plays flute."
        "The flute is a beautiful instrument. It's also good for use as a spear. Do you come here often?" My face flushed. I fumbled around for the right words. They wouldn't come. They were lost. Lost words. Aphasia seemed to be just that: lost words. I lost my words in my battle with the Ender Dragon and I can't get them back.
        "No. First time here." I didn't really want to talk about it.
        "You seem like you're having a hard time. Is there any way I can help you?" How did he know? His gaze was similar to Caitlin's, only colder and with more impression of strength.
        "I'm fine." I walked out before Valan could bother me any further. A creeper crossed my line of vision, but I let it pass. I didn't feel like fighting. When I got home, I flopped down on my bed and cried. I raised my sword above my chest when a text interrupted me. It was Andrew.
        Andrew: So, how was your SLP appt.?
        Me: :,(
        Andrew: I understand. I'll bring soup. 
He came with a delicious-smelling soup. However, it tasted like paste to me. Everything was tasteless. I, however, ate anyway. I had nothing else to do.
        "You know, I think Caitlin would look good in this." He showed me a picture he circled in a wedding dress catalog.
        "It needs more stuff." I found another picture and circled it.
        "Are you kidding me? She'll drown in that thing!" Andrew laughed. "By the way, there's someone I'd like you to meet." It was good to hear his voice again. It's been so long. I ate more soup. Finally, I could taste the salty broth, the sweet carrots, the savory chicken. The slippery noodles slid down my throat easily. It was a comforting taste, the panacea for most ills. Someone else had entered the room.
       "Oh, hi, Steven. It's been so long!" Steven. It's been a while since I heard that name. "What, you don't recognize your own brother?" I registered the friendly face.
       "Cory!" A wave of guilt washed over me. All those lonely days in the hospital were due to my insistence to spleef. He picked up on my emotions as if they were as clear as the ring of a bell.
       "You know, this is a lot to take in." I found myself leaning on his shoulder like we were young again. "You're safe with me." Ah, the memories! I remembered waking up in the middle of the night as a child several times. He always said the same thing: "You're safe with me." It was good to hear that again. "And I hear that you have slain the Ender Dragon!"
       "True." His lifelong dream was to slay the Ender Dragon. Now, I butted in and did it. Great. I stole his dreams along with his life!
       "That's great! How does it feel? And how is Caitlin doing?"
       "Not good." I wanted to say more, but aphasia was getting in the way. "She is sick." Well, not really. Not even close.
       "I'm so sorry to hear that!" My eyes watered once again. I hid my tears behind my face. Cory dipped the ladle into the soup and served me some more. "I hope she gets better soon. Do you need anything?" I followed him to the couch.
       "No." Truth was, I needed a lot of things. I had so much say and was unable to say it. Cory held me and ran his hands through my hair. I relaxed and fell asleep.

I woke up to a large wet spot on my pants and on the couch. I got up and, after drop kicking an empty trumpet case across the room, cleaned up the couch. Cory gave me one last hug and departed with the leftover chicken soup. Meanwhile, I took a shower and got ready for bed. I closed my eyes and instinctively reached for Caitlin. She wasn't there. I groaned and turned over, hoping to sleep. I guess it's another tumultuous night for me.