Someone to Smile For (Alice)

I don't want to fight anymore.

There's nothing to live for but hospital treatments. I have no real family and no real friends. I just have a teacher whose time I'm wasting just by existing. I don't know why he's lying to me. He keeps telling me I'm beautiful, but all of my hair fell out and the rest of me isn't all that attractive. He keeps telling me I'm strong, but I can hardly lift a finger most days. He keeps telling me I'm brave, but I'm the one living off the kindness of others.

Everything's still going according to plan, so the nurses say. The radiation treatments left my skin burning and blistered; the lotion they provided helped a lot. I was in too much pain to do much of anything except languish and complete what I could of my schoolwork. I don't know if I'm getting any better or worse. I can hardly eat, but the nurses want me to keep up my strength.
          "Alice, you have a visitor." Huh? A thin, tall man with the brightest red hair I've ever seen followed the nurse.
          "Hi." He pulled up a chair and sat next to me. "It's Landon. If you're wondering why Steve's not visiting like he normally does, it's because he had a panic attack. On live TV."
          "That's not good." I shifted. My back was sore from lying down. "Is he okay?"
          "Yeah. He'll need to sleep it off. So, how are you?" Isn't that obvious? I look like a stick with bulging eyes. I threw up twice this morning. My skin is still sore. I have no desire to get better because I have nothing to look forward to.
          "How do you think I am?"

The worst part of all of this is not the treatments or the nausea, or fatigue. Seeing the other kids' parents come and go that brings me more pain than any illness ever could. Some come more frequently than others. Most of the kids manage a smile for their parents despite their circumstances. I have no one to smile for. Rose liked me because I was a good worker in a bad situation, not because I was me. She never came to visit despite all of her "Alice-I-care-about-you"s. So much for that.
         "I want you to know that I'll be there for you." A nurse came by wearing protective gloves. He ordered Landon to stay back. I felt the chill of alcohol and the familiar initial burn. "Don't you have any family?"
         "My mom is probably glad I'm like this."
         "I've heard. And your dad?"
         "He's apathetic at best. I mean, he's happy for me when I achieve stuff, but only when I achieve stuff."
         "That's no family." He put a hand on my shoulder.
         "It's all I have."
         "Since Steve's your father, I want a share in that too. I'm all in, no exceptions."