This Lone Monochrome Stage (Caitlin)

I have to run the band for a dress rehearsal with Steve gone. I don't have his commanding presence or energy, but he needs me to do this. I steeled my nerves to the idea of managing 50 high school students.

Emmeline came to run Reboot. She was a bit off pitch, which was easily remedied by some lip trilling. I met the two other girls, Caroline and Amity. Amity is shy and reserved, but still somehow suited for the stage. Caroline is a bit brash and temperamental, but charismatic. Reminders of Steve pop up in the unlikeliest of places. The Havencraft drama teacher kept rearranging them. I conducted the band, making sure the flutes were in tune. Amity came out with her lines.

Feedback rang out from the sound check. Some of the students cringed, but I'm sure none of them had my reaction. My heart pounded. I lifted my hands to see them trembling violently. I felt like I couldn't breathe.Kyle ran over to me, asking if I was okay. I nodded, but he looked doubtful. Apparently, the little color I had drained from my face and he thought I would faint. His concern touched me. I resumed conducting as normal. I stopped to run through the jumps with the trumpets.

The flutes and saxophones had the electric guitar part. I had them write in the counting. Aside from a few finger bobbles, they did quite well. Emmeline was advised to sound more nasal on her "on" and come out more over Caroline. The band was told to make some last minute changes. Amity came out on her parts sounding a little shakily, but she steadied gradually. We stopped to let the vocalists perfect their parts.

Emmeline is like me, but, at the same, not. For one, she is taller than I am and has a robust, athletic, figure, strong gait, and a powerful voice that can carry for days. I would say she is a mezzo soprano. I saw her leading the others and helping them with their lines. The drama teacher had to do hardly anything because of her! I shifted and felt that I was wet, more so than I had expected. The feedback had affected me that much. Knowing that I'd leak if I went through much more of this, I placed Mira in charge of the band until I returned.

I used the office bathrooms because they were closer. The doors are heavy, so I need to do a "controlled crash" to open them. My legs swung underneath me as I made my way in. The office bathrooms have hand rails, which is nice, a wastebasket, and even a shower. I was familiar with their location because Fallon, a Mindcrack beginning band clarinetist, puked on herself during a performance. I had to escort her to the restroom and help her clean up. I changed as quickly as I could, using the handrails to steady myself. I disposed of the used diaper in the wastebasket, washed my hands, and got back to the band.

After a little more of running through Lost One's Weeping, we heard the choir perform World's End Dancehall in its original language. The dance team did very well with Outer Science. They were almost as flexible as me, but with way more stability. Dance sorcery. The programs had the romanji and English translations of the songs sung in Japanese. Reboot was performed in English.

Left standing on this lone monochrome stage\Can't run away in this TV like play. Emmeline sang her lines loud and clear. And yet, here I was rehearsing with the band on this lone monochrome stage. Caroline made an excellent Megurine Luka for Reboot.  After one last run of Lost One's Weeping and Reboot, we all departed for home.

While there, I came home to someone surprising me with a chicken pot pie and a cake. We talked and ate it together. Alarian sounds like Caroline cranked up to eleven. The chicken was tender, the crust flaky, the sauce silky and flavorful, and the carrots melted into a puree the moment they hit my tongue. Everything about it was beautiful. I hated that Steve wasn't here to eat it.

No....

I burst into tears. I couldn't really help it. My guest, identified as "Olivia", put her arm around me and let me cry it out. Emmeline, in her Miku wig, sang with a raw power. Luckily, I had recorded the last run-through. It was rare that I saw her in skirts or pink, but, in both, she played her part as she would any other.

When Olivia had left, I rolled up my sleeves to reveal a faint string of horizontal slashes of various ages that ran from the lower portion of my hand to almost my elbow. They were different from my other scars that were inflicted by my sisters or my peers. These were self-inflicted, controlled. They were reminders of my low self-esteem. All through middle school until becoming a teacher, I slashed my wrist for every time I had failed. I took out an iron sword.

I failed to save Steve from himself. Five slashes.
I was too petty and hedonistic to notice that something was wrong. Two slashes.
Bad Day is going nowhere. I knew I shouldn't have made Carmen cross the break that much. Another slash.

Eight fresh slashes on my wrist. If only I could die and be reborn.

(A/N: The second video contains numerous shaking and flashing effects. Proceed with caution and an open mind.)