Work at a Smile (Alex)

Something is wrong and I know it. Miss Caitlin seems kind of distracted and tense. I can tell because she acts like she's sitting on a block of TNT. Carmen seemed to be her go-getting self, which was a relief. I wish I knew what was wrong, but I definitely knew something was wrong. Alice looked more tired than usual. I guessed that it was the effects of middle school. Nathan was fine, but rather concerned. It was rare that Nathan was concerned with anything.

Alice works too hard. She should relax and play once in a while. Life is meant to be enjoyed and I don't Alice gets that. It's not uncommon for my father to get paid in food, so I give her half the food...when she accepts it. She feels like she needs to work for everything because she feels that it is right. She doesn't even understand what to do with a birthday present.

We ran through Bad Day, but with so much on my mind, it was hard to sing.
         "You sound a little detached, Alex. What's wrong?" Miss Caitlin was concerned, but I didn't know if I could properly voice my thoughts.
         "I don't know. I just can't put my heart into it. Something's on my mind."
         "Try channeling those feelings into the song." That was new for me. I thought I was always supposed to feel the music, not let it feel me. "Let's look at the lyrics. It helps to know what the song means" Even now, she seemed hurried and anxious. We looked at the lyrics together.
         "Now Carmen, Alex, and Nathan, play together." It's fairly unusual to blend with a clarinet as a vocalist, but I managed. Nathan came out a little more. "Carmen, back down a little. Nathan, come out a little more. Alex, you were fine. Add Alice." We came in with our different notes.
         "Alice, you're a bit off. Try relaxing."
         "Okay." We ran those measures again. Alice was more on pitch. She was a bit flat, though. I sang the lyrics: You had a bad day\You're taking one down.\You sing a sad song\Just to turn it around. Somehow, I felt myself not just matching pitches, but actually singing. We got to the bridge and I drifted back to my dull state. Miss Caitlin left the room, telling us to talk amongst ourselves.
         "Alex, if there's something wrong, you can tell me." Nathan pulled me aside.
         "Something is wrong. I can feel it in the back of my head."
         "Do you know Mr. Lowell?"
         "I know him. I walk his dog and he pays me 1 iron ingot for 20 minutes. He's nice. I think the something wrong has to do with his absence. Miss Caitlin seems happier when he's around. She feels safe when he's around and now he's gone, so she doesn't feel safe."
         "I know why he's gone. He's in the hospital. I don't know what for, though." Nathan sighed. It was hard to lean on his shoulder because of his wheelchair, but I managed.
         "Oh. Well, how do you know him?"
         "He subbed for my band once. He is...different from other teachers I've had. For one, he made me feel like Nathan instead of the inspirational wheelchair-bound hornist." I read that article about my teacher in the newspaper. I just saw my teacher as my teacher, nothing more. Why did other people feel the need to do otherwise? Alice had left to go to work. Carmen was weaving something on a small loom. I left to go get the dog, Hutch.

Hutch is a handsome wolf with fluffy fur and a solid frame. He weighs more than I do and likes attacking creepers. (I discourage this, however, as creepers are dangerous to get too close to.) Knowing the routine, he sat obediently as I put the collar on his neck and we went for a walk. I needed it to remedy my unease.