Well, no one got killed by a bass drum yet, so that's good.
The Mindcrack band is well on their way to being a great marching band. No one got run over during the formations and, aside from unevenness in some of the steps, everything went very well. Chloe and Diana are doing well as drum majors while Nathan is taking care of organizing stuff. Despite the bad press from the suicide crisis, Nathan Takeda chose to attend Mindcrack. Despite my offering him a spot on the field, Nathan said he was content just printing drill and playing in the pit.
Ayako won the award and she's the clarinet section leader. She hasn't told me of any plans of what she wants to do with her life, but high school is too early for that. I wanted to be a professional athlete, but I got injured and had to go through with my backup plan: music education. I also didn't plan on doing social commentary, but such is the life of a TV star. Well, even if I didn't get injured, I'd still have a problem as a professional athlete.
I have an intersex condition that gave me female parts and, thus, I have periods. I wouldn't be able to play on men's or women's teams without a lot of public outcry and controversy. I got good at hiding it and explaining why I had blood on my pants. (I had to be inventive with that one.) I may tell my students sometime, but not yet. No one else knows besides my doctor and some other people, so I'll tell my closest friends first to see how that goes.
My phone chimed. It was Mark and Landon. They started singing something familiar, something my students like to sing under their breaths. Yes, the insanely cool Mark Navoa is my friend. I honestly don't know why he chose to put up with me from the start, but he did and I'm more than grateful for that. I don't know how he does it, always smiling and joking his way through life. It's like he doesn't feel any pain.
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Q and A (Landon)
Title: Ask Landon: Q and A Time!
Uploader: LandonLakesMilk
Well, this my first audience Q and A video. I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but I didn't really have the guts to do it, so here goes!
This is from Radfem Anita: What makes you think you have the right to make commentary on the Havencraft shooting? You must hate the survivors enough to speak over them. I hope you die.
Well, thank you, Radfem Anita. I've been wanting to answer this question for a while and I'm glad you asked. I believe that, when things like this happen, it helps to understand all perspectives and I'm giving mine as a way of paying it forward and making myself a better person. And no, I don't hate the survivors. I owe them my take on things. I uploaded my vlogs for them...and for others. If I hated them, I certainly wouldn't make commentary videos like mine. If you think my take is skewed, it probably is because *gasp* I'm speaking from my own perspective about what I did.
From landy-longlegs: WOW I wish everyone else could see how talented you are! How do I show that I'm a fan of your current content and not some wacko who condones the shooting?
Aww, now you're making me blush! Well, just refer to me as your favorite dancer or singer. Referencing videos helps and, by the way, I'm going to be participating in an ice show in the near future, so stay tuned for that. I can't give any other specifics about the ice show because of their policies, but I'll inform you guys as much as I can. As for the latter part of your question, just explain that I'm a content creator and that you like my content. You don't need to say why.
From catcatcat12: You're such a good horn player! I loved your solo in your Yuri on Brass concert! How do I sound like you?
Well, thank you. It takes lots of practice. Lots. Of. Practice. I do lip slurs and scales every day. On that note, every instrumentalist has their own individual sound and you should focus first and foremost on getting your best sound from your instrument.
From I Couldn't Think of a Good Username: How do you...ah...keep everything contained when you dance?
Two words: Dance belt. *holds one up for the camera* Please comment if you want a tutorial on how to wear one of these. I wish I had one.
And *scrolls*...that's a bot. Don't click on that.
From landen4353: hi my name is landen it's the same as yours only it's spelled kind of differently. i have a bit of a problem. you see, my parents want me to go to havencraft (i'm going into high school), but i'm worried that i'm going to be bullied because of my name. they won't listen to me and i was wondering if you could offer me some advice.
Well, Landen, first of all, Hi! I never thought I'd meet someone with the same name. *waving intensifies*
Well, first of all, just go in. Hold your head up high and create your own reputation. It's been several years since the shooting took place, so no student survivors currently attend the school. Not only that, the school itself was totally rebuilt and updated with new technology and things. Join a club or try to make one of your own. Keep your grades up, but not too high and I know everyone says this, but just be yourself. Be the best Landen you can be and you will be successful. That's what I did by starting my many YouTube channels. If you go and feel genuinely unsafe, like you think someone's going to hurt you, please tell your parents to pull you out. I wish I had done that. It would have saved so many lives.
I'd also like to note that--and this goes for everyone--if you start to feel like nothing's making you happy, like you're in a never-ending rut, please (I'M BEGGING YOU) go to a counselor, a teacher, or your parents. Even if it's "not that bad", just do it anyway. Getting the help you need early on will save lives whether that's your life or other peoples' lives. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that I could go back and start my life over again. Not only that, but, if your school ever takes disciplinary or legal action just from you talking about homicidal ideation in the absence of you making threats or attempting to act on it, they're in the wrong. Any school that really cares about preventing future shootings will not make a "display of force" (force being petty authoritarianism) as I call it and thus and drive the student away from asking for and receiving help. In short, just be your best self, get help when you need it, and let your parents know if you genuinely feel unsafe in any way.
That's all for today and I hope you enjoyed my video. I'll definitely do more Q and As in the future, but why don't you guys check out my other channels in the meantime? It's really been a pleasure to get to know my audience and I'll even have a survey out in the near future.
Bye~
Uploader: LandonLakesMilk
Well, this my first audience Q and A video. I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but I didn't really have the guts to do it, so here goes!
This is from Radfem Anita: What makes you think you have the right to make commentary on the Havencraft shooting? You must hate the survivors enough to speak over them. I hope you die.
Well, thank you, Radfem Anita. I've been wanting to answer this question for a while and I'm glad you asked. I believe that, when things like this happen, it helps to understand all perspectives and I'm giving mine as a way of paying it forward and making myself a better person. And no, I don't hate the survivors. I owe them my take on things. I uploaded my vlogs for them...and for others. If I hated them, I certainly wouldn't make commentary videos like mine. If you think my take is skewed, it probably is because *gasp* I'm speaking from my own perspective about what I did.
From landy-longlegs: WOW I wish everyone else could see how talented you are! How do I show that I'm a fan of your current content and not some wacko who condones the shooting?
Aww, now you're making me blush! Well, just refer to me as your favorite dancer or singer. Referencing videos helps and, by the way, I'm going to be participating in an ice show in the near future, so stay tuned for that. I can't give any other specifics about the ice show because of their policies, but I'll inform you guys as much as I can. As for the latter part of your question, just explain that I'm a content creator and that you like my content. You don't need to say why.
From catcatcat12: You're such a good horn player! I loved your solo in your Yuri on Brass concert! How do I sound like you?
Well, thank you. It takes lots of practice. Lots. Of. Practice. I do lip slurs and scales every day. On that note, every instrumentalist has their own individual sound and you should focus first and foremost on getting your best sound from your instrument.
From I Couldn't Think of a Good Username: How do you...ah...keep everything contained when you dance?
Two words: Dance belt. *holds one up for the camera* Please comment if you want a tutorial on how to wear one of these. I wish I had one.
And *scrolls*...that's a bot. Don't click on that.
From landen4353: hi my name is landen it's the same as yours only it's spelled kind of differently. i have a bit of a problem. you see, my parents want me to go to havencraft (i'm going into high school), but i'm worried that i'm going to be bullied because of my name. they won't listen to me and i was wondering if you could offer me some advice.
Well, Landen, first of all, Hi! I never thought I'd meet someone with the same name. *waving intensifies*
Well, first of all, just go in. Hold your head up high and create your own reputation. It's been several years since the shooting took place, so no student survivors currently attend the school. Not only that, the school itself was totally rebuilt and updated with new technology and things. Join a club or try to make one of your own. Keep your grades up, but not too high and I know everyone says this, but just be yourself. Be the best Landen you can be and you will be successful. That's what I did by starting my many YouTube channels. If you go and feel genuinely unsafe, like you think someone's going to hurt you, please tell your parents to pull you out. I wish I had done that. It would have saved so many lives.
I'd also like to note that--and this goes for everyone--if you start to feel like nothing's making you happy, like you're in a never-ending rut, please (I'M BEGGING YOU) go to a counselor, a teacher, or your parents. Even if it's "not that bad", just do it anyway. Getting the help you need early on will save lives whether that's your life or other peoples' lives. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that I could go back and start my life over again. Not only that, but, if your school ever takes disciplinary or legal action just from you talking about homicidal ideation in the absence of you making threats or attempting to act on it, they're in the wrong. Any school that really cares about preventing future shootings will not make a "display of force" (force being petty authoritarianism) as I call it and thus and drive the student away from asking for and receiving help. In short, just be your best self, get help when you need it, and let your parents know if you genuinely feel unsafe in any way.
That's all for today and I hope you enjoyed my video. I'll definitely do more Q and As in the future, but why don't you guys check out my other channels in the meantime? It's really been a pleasure to get to know my audience and I'll even have a survey out in the near future.
Bye~
Monday, August 7, 2017
Changes (Mark)
I don't know how to tell my students about this.
I'm getting multiple procedures done during the school year and, though I've been looking forward to the changes they entail, I've been putting them off because I don't want my personal life to interfere with my professional life. If I keep demanding that my students put in the work by showing up on time, isn't it fair that I do that too? What am I saying by getting a ton of surgeries that aren't technically necessary? I mean, I still experience a lot of dysphoria, but it's not like my life is in imminent danger because of it.
Not only that, I don't want anyone to think that I necessarily promote being trans. I'd give an arm and a leg to be a cis man or even a woman. Now that my gender is interfering with my teaching, it's a reason for schools to not hire transgender teachers. I don't even know if any of my students or the parents have caught on that I'm trans, but I'm sure someone has. Either way this news is received, I'll do my best with regards to approaching in the issue in a way that isn't melodramatic or excessively political.
On the other hand, this is going to force me to be more honest about myself with my students. I keep encouraging them to talk to me when they have issues, but I think part of the reason why they don't talk to me about certain things is that I don't open up much myself. I know I'm supposed to be "professional" about this, but when has that ever been my style? Now, to find a meme that conveys this issue.
On a totally unrelated note, Pyware decided to eat Steve's drill, so I'm helping him rewrite it. He sent me screenshots of some pretty weird stuff, so we're totally reinventing the show. At first, he protested when I added some back marching, but he later agreed to incorporate it since he's having them back march anyway. Despite a few snafus, the Mindcrack marching band is catching on pretty quickly. They'll be better than Mineplex in no time.
I think I'll tell him about this sooner or later, but, first, I'm telling him that his band needs to do some sight singing. It'd really help with their tuning problems.
I'm getting multiple procedures done during the school year and, though I've been looking forward to the changes they entail, I've been putting them off because I don't want my personal life to interfere with my professional life. If I keep demanding that my students put in the work by showing up on time, isn't it fair that I do that too? What am I saying by getting a ton of surgeries that aren't technically necessary? I mean, I still experience a lot of dysphoria, but it's not like my life is in imminent danger because of it.
Not only that, I don't want anyone to think that I necessarily promote being trans. I'd give an arm and a leg to be a cis man or even a woman. Now that my gender is interfering with my teaching, it's a reason for schools to not hire transgender teachers. I don't even know if any of my students or the parents have caught on that I'm trans, but I'm sure someone has. Either way this news is received, I'll do my best with regards to approaching in the issue in a way that isn't melodramatic or excessively political.
On the other hand, this is going to force me to be more honest about myself with my students. I keep encouraging them to talk to me when they have issues, but I think part of the reason why they don't talk to me about certain things is that I don't open up much myself. I know I'm supposed to be "professional" about this, but when has that ever been my style? Now, to find a meme that conveys this issue.
On a totally unrelated note, Pyware decided to eat Steve's drill, so I'm helping him rewrite it. He sent me screenshots of some pretty weird stuff, so we're totally reinventing the show. At first, he protested when I added some back marching, but he later agreed to incorporate it since he's having them back march anyway. Despite a few snafus, the Mindcrack marching band is catching on pretty quickly. They'll be better than Mineplex in no time.
I think I'll tell him about this sooner or later, but, first, I'm telling him that his band needs to do some sight singing. It'd really help with their tuning problems.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Slower and Slower (Steve)
I watched a video of Alex's dance showcase. Not only did Alex dance beautifully, she did so in a way that made her look like another dancer. Marked by maturity and poise, she made music with her body. Every step and turn flowed into the next with ease. Clearly on her last leg, Alice slept to me. The world is weird that way. The best and the worst moments of two peoples' lives can take place at the same time when neither knows the other well.
Not only that, but the good and the bad are intertwined like different-colored fibers of a rope. Lisette got doxxed by Avenge Havencraft just for speaking about the Mindcrack suicide crisis--and this was before she implied that they were the ones who tried to kill me with a needle cookie. As a celebrity, I try not to stir controversy over any given topic because that can get me killed or doxxed. However, as a teacher, I'm still going to stick to my convictions and say if something is right or wrong because that's what my students deserve. If nothing else, I can teach my students how to do the right thing in the face of adversity--and that's better than any music.
Alice's hand began to feel cold against mine. I tried saying a few things to her, but she didn't respond. If she was dying, at least she was dying peacefully. She groaned; I adjusted her pillow. Alice blinked, her eyes full of tears. I heard that this was normal when people die, but this all seemed so surreal. Sunlight streamed in from the window while the monitors ran. The footage of Alex played as she danced the ensemble number. I saw a blood stain spreading on Alex's slipper as Alice's breathing rate increased.
Even though it became apparent that someone had slipped glass into her slipper, Alex danced and showed no trace of pain on her face. Alice breathed normally and her breathing became slower and slower as the tempo of the music increased. Having had a part in both these girls' lives was the highest honor and privilege I could have ever received. Though they are different in many ways, they are alike in dignity in resilience.
Alice's skin turned blue. Alex left a clear trail of blood as she moved across the stage. She collapsed in an older girl's arms as I noticed something peculiar about Alice's breathing.
The telltale "death rattle" was as clear as the toll of a bell. Each breath sounded more labored than the last. I took this moment to say something to Alice, something I should have said more often.
"I know I say it all the time, but I love you." Alice's breathing slowed even more. Life was a battle for her and I aided in her fight. Still, it hurt to see her like this, worse than any other pain.
Alice's breathing tapered off getting quieter and quieter, slower and slower. Her last breath was barely perceptible. When I withdrew, it all seemed so surreal. The sun shined as it always did. I looked down at my phone to discover that Landon got two gigs: a presentation at Mineplex High School and an opportunity to perform at an ice show. He was already preparing for the latter.
But why am I not angry at his selfishness? The nurses covered Alice's head and wheeled her body to the morgue. I should be angry. I should be livid. But I'm not. As a nurse approached me, I felt a cramp and an all too familiar slimy sensation. I excused myself to use the restroom. If anyone knew about my condition, it'd be all over the news and exploited for TV ratings. The blood soaked all the way through my pants. How am I going to explain this? And why am I even thinking this when my child just died before my eyes?
I don't know what I'll tell Landon. I mean, springing two serious issues on someone at once normally doesn't bode well for the listener.
Not only that, but the good and the bad are intertwined like different-colored fibers of a rope. Lisette got doxxed by Avenge Havencraft just for speaking about the Mindcrack suicide crisis--and this was before she implied that they were the ones who tried to kill me with a needle cookie. As a celebrity, I try not to stir controversy over any given topic because that can get me killed or doxxed. However, as a teacher, I'm still going to stick to my convictions and say if something is right or wrong because that's what my students deserve. If nothing else, I can teach my students how to do the right thing in the face of adversity--and that's better than any music.
Alice's hand began to feel cold against mine. I tried saying a few things to her, but she didn't respond. If she was dying, at least she was dying peacefully. She groaned; I adjusted her pillow. Alice blinked, her eyes full of tears. I heard that this was normal when people die, but this all seemed so surreal. Sunlight streamed in from the window while the monitors ran. The footage of Alex played as she danced the ensemble number. I saw a blood stain spreading on Alex's slipper as Alice's breathing rate increased.
Even though it became apparent that someone had slipped glass into her slipper, Alex danced and showed no trace of pain on her face. Alice breathed normally and her breathing became slower and slower as the tempo of the music increased. Having had a part in both these girls' lives was the highest honor and privilege I could have ever received. Though they are different in many ways, they are alike in dignity in resilience.
Alice's skin turned blue. Alex left a clear trail of blood as she moved across the stage. She collapsed in an older girl's arms as I noticed something peculiar about Alice's breathing.
The telltale "death rattle" was as clear as the toll of a bell. Each breath sounded more labored than the last. I took this moment to say something to Alice, something I should have said more often.
"I know I say it all the time, but I love you." Alice's breathing slowed even more. Life was a battle for her and I aided in her fight. Still, it hurt to see her like this, worse than any other pain.
Alice's breathing tapered off getting quieter and quieter, slower and slower. Her last breath was barely perceptible. When I withdrew, it all seemed so surreal. The sun shined as it always did. I looked down at my phone to discover that Landon got two gigs: a presentation at Mineplex High School and an opportunity to perform at an ice show. He was already preparing for the latter.
But why am I not angry at his selfishness? The nurses covered Alice's head and wheeled her body to the morgue. I should be angry. I should be livid. But I'm not. As a nurse approached me, I felt a cramp and an all too familiar slimy sensation. I excused myself to use the restroom. If anyone knew about my condition, it'd be all over the news and exploited for TV ratings. The blood soaked all the way through my pants. How am I going to explain this? And why am I even thinking this when my child just died before my eyes?
I don't know what I'll tell Landon. I mean, springing two serious issues on someone at once normally doesn't bode well for the listener.
Saturday, July 29, 2017
The Showcase (Alex)
The showcase is today.
No one else is doing vocals and dance, at least not to my knowledge. Elizabeth and I are doing solos and we're doing three ensemble numbers: one with the pre-pointe class, one with the pointe class, and one with all of us. The older girls are all so talented, especially Natasha Lebedev. When we joined the pointe class for practice, I always wanted to watch Natasha. I hope she's soloing. If anyone deserves to solo, it's her.
I don't even know why I'm soloing. I'm not long and graceful. I've put on some weight and I'm on the taller end. Maybe I shouldn't have had that sweetroll; I can already feel it sticking to my sides. I sprayed my hair again and got my carrot on a stick ready. I hope I don't break the pig's back. I had my tea with only enough honey to prime my vocal cords for the vocal showcase.
After getting off the pig's back, I made my way to the dressing room. I felt the extra weight on my frame. Every lump on my body showed under the leotard. I felt disgusting. I didn't have the lean lines the audience expected. No wonder pointe was hard for me. How was I supposed to support all of this weight on my toes? I hid my gut under my tutu and retouched my hair.
I was painfully aware of the judgmental eyes fixed on my rotund features. I danced well enough, but the only thing I felt was the jiggling of fat as I landed my jumps. My weight is technically healthy, but it's not enough to be healthy. I need to be beautiful. I need to impress the audience. I need to grow up. Elizabeth is a natural. Why can't I have her perfect golden locks and slender limbs? I have the build of an iron golem in a tutu, but with fat instead of muscle.
I sat through Elizabeth's solo. Her extension was flawless. I could only dream of having her turnout. The sleek, sophisticated costume showcased her perfect body. Her perfect body. The one I could never have. After taking her bow, I made my way onstage and got into position.
The music started and I realized something: I didn't need to look the part. I just needed to play the part. I imagined my old vocal teacher's voice belting out the high notes as I pirouetted like never before. My foot felt odd...like something was stabbing me. I ignored it. Natasha must hate the fact that she has to share the stage with someone like me. I'm as awkward and unballetic as it gets. Why am I soloing? I shouldn't have even set foot on a dance floor.
During the mass number, the stabbing pain returned full force, but I didn't wince. Natasha leapt gracefully in front of me. I tried to do the same, but I collapsed. The last thing I remembered from that dance was Natasha asking if I was okay.
No one else is doing vocals and dance, at least not to my knowledge. Elizabeth and I are doing solos and we're doing three ensemble numbers: one with the pre-pointe class, one with the pointe class, and one with all of us. The older girls are all so talented, especially Natasha Lebedev. When we joined the pointe class for practice, I always wanted to watch Natasha. I hope she's soloing. If anyone deserves to solo, it's her.
I don't even know why I'm soloing. I'm not long and graceful. I've put on some weight and I'm on the taller end. Maybe I shouldn't have had that sweetroll; I can already feel it sticking to my sides. I sprayed my hair again and got my carrot on a stick ready. I hope I don't break the pig's back. I had my tea with only enough honey to prime my vocal cords for the vocal showcase.
After getting off the pig's back, I made my way to the dressing room. I felt the extra weight on my frame. Every lump on my body showed under the leotard. I felt disgusting. I didn't have the lean lines the audience expected. No wonder pointe was hard for me. How was I supposed to support all of this weight on my toes? I hid my gut under my tutu and retouched my hair.
I was painfully aware of the judgmental eyes fixed on my rotund features. I danced well enough, but the only thing I felt was the jiggling of fat as I landed my jumps. My weight is technically healthy, but it's not enough to be healthy. I need to be beautiful. I need to impress the audience. I need to grow up. Elizabeth is a natural. Why can't I have her perfect golden locks and slender limbs? I have the build of an iron golem in a tutu, but with fat instead of muscle.
I sat through Elizabeth's solo. Her extension was flawless. I could only dream of having her turnout. The sleek, sophisticated costume showcased her perfect body. Her perfect body. The one I could never have. After taking her bow, I made my way onstage and got into position.
The music started and I realized something: I didn't need to look the part. I just needed to play the part. I imagined my old vocal teacher's voice belting out the high notes as I pirouetted like never before. My foot felt odd...like something was stabbing me. I ignored it. Natasha must hate the fact that she has to share the stage with someone like me. I'm as awkward and unballetic as it gets. Why am I soloing? I shouldn't have even set foot on a dance floor.
During the mass number, the stabbing pain returned full force, but I didn't wince. Natasha leapt gracefully in front of me. I tried to do the same, but I collapsed. The last thing I remembered from that dance was Natasha asking if I was okay.
Friday, July 14, 2017
The Weight of the Universe (Landon)
Steve and I sat in a waiting room awaiting the oncologist's news. From what I heard, even the most aggressive treatment regimens weren't helping. Alice's condition declined more and more as each day passed. She didn't want to eat or drink lately, much less engage in conversation. She sleeps most of the time and, though neither of us can really do anything, we kept showing up.
Steve's hand moved towards mine. Saying he looked anxious was an understatement. His eyes darted around as if he were waiting for someone to stab him in the back. A panic attack was imminent. All I could do was sit here and wait for everything to hit the fan. When was the nurse coming back? It's 1:00 AM. We're both tired. I have a presentation gig to start, five videos to work on, and a documentary idea to pitch. I peered at an outdated magazine. It was all celebrity gossip. I felt my stomach growl. How long did I go without eating? My head throbbed. I made my way to the vending machine, but Steve stopped me saying that I needed to wait.
"Why though?"
"Because Alice needs us."
"We're not even seeing her. We're waiting for the oncologist to give us at least a scrap of information."
"So we need to be here." I could sense the impatience in his voice.
"Why do I need to be here? Why do either of us need to be here? The oncologist can just send a text or an E-mail."
"But we need to be here. For Alice."
"Maybe you do, but I. Certainly. Don't." I stormed out. It's been a while since I've felt this angry. I just wanted the world to burn and feel my wrath. Why did Alice have to have cancer? Why did I even consider a relationship with Steve? Why are any of us even here? It's like we're some sadistic teenage girl's playthings, all part of some ill thought-out fanfiction.
Pro tip: When scoping out hospital food, go for something simple, preferably something that isn't dripping with sauce. I picked up a few roast beef sandwiches and some Dr. Pepper. They were dry, but I was okay with that. I needed fuel. The thing with helpful types is that they'll bear the weight of the world for you, but will expect you the bear the weight of the universe in return.
Wait, no. What was I thinking? I splashed my face with water and tried to leave the building when someone stopped me.
"Who are you?" I turned around ready to fight.
"I'm Suk-ja Park. I'm the hospital counselor. Are you here with anyone?" This woman is good. "Yes. I'm here with my boyfriend, Steve. I'm sure you've seen his face before." She nodded as if this was normal and took me back the waiting room.
"And you are here with Alice?"
"Yes."
"Would you like to speak privately first?"
"Sure." She directed me to her office.
After talking some more, it turned out that many other people feel the way I do. I wasn't alone in this. She took Steve aside and left me. The oncologist arrived and asked where he was.
"He's with the counselor."
"Which one?"
"Suk-ja Park."
"Well, I have good news and bad news."
"Tell me the bad first." I took in a shaky breath and braced myself.
"Alice is entering the final weeks of her life." I kept my hand over my mouth. It was the only thing preventing me from bursting onto tears right then and there.
"And...the good news?" I can't be crying. Not now. Not here. I need to be strong.
"Her misery will end soon. We can move her to a hospice facility or we can keep her here. The hospice facility is more comfortable and is better equipped to handle situations like yours." After taking a fact sheet about hospice care, Steve came back and practically ran to my side.
"So what is it?" I relayed the information to him.
"The oncologist said Alice is entering the final weeks of her life." I wiped a stray tear from my eye. "I don't know what we're going to do." Burying my face in Steve's shirt, I wept profusely. He put an arm around me and, at that point, I knew why we we decided to fight this battle.
Steve's hand moved towards mine. Saying he looked anxious was an understatement. His eyes darted around as if he were waiting for someone to stab him in the back. A panic attack was imminent. All I could do was sit here and wait for everything to hit the fan. When was the nurse coming back? It's 1:00 AM. We're both tired. I have a presentation gig to start, five videos to work on, and a documentary idea to pitch. I peered at an outdated magazine. It was all celebrity gossip. I felt my stomach growl. How long did I go without eating? My head throbbed. I made my way to the vending machine, but Steve stopped me saying that I needed to wait.
"Why though?"
"Because Alice needs us."
"We're not even seeing her. We're waiting for the oncologist to give us at least a scrap of information."
"So we need to be here." I could sense the impatience in his voice.
"Why do I need to be here? Why do either of us need to be here? The oncologist can just send a text or an E-mail."
"But we need to be here. For Alice."
"Maybe you do, but I. Certainly. Don't." I stormed out. It's been a while since I've felt this angry. I just wanted the world to burn and feel my wrath. Why did Alice have to have cancer? Why did I even consider a relationship with Steve? Why are any of us even here? It's like we're some sadistic teenage girl's playthings, all part of some ill thought-out fanfiction.
Pro tip: When scoping out hospital food, go for something simple, preferably something that isn't dripping with sauce. I picked up a few roast beef sandwiches and some Dr. Pepper. They were dry, but I was okay with that. I needed fuel. The thing with helpful types is that they'll bear the weight of the world for you, but will expect you the bear the weight of the universe in return.
Wait, no. What was I thinking? I splashed my face with water and tried to leave the building when someone stopped me.
"Who are you?" I turned around ready to fight.
"I'm Suk-ja Park. I'm the hospital counselor. Are you here with anyone?" This woman is good. "Yes. I'm here with my boyfriend, Steve. I'm sure you've seen his face before." She nodded as if this was normal and took me back the waiting room.
"And you are here with Alice?"
"Yes."
"Would you like to speak privately first?"
"Sure." She directed me to her office.
After talking some more, it turned out that many other people feel the way I do. I wasn't alone in this. She took Steve aside and left me. The oncologist arrived and asked where he was.
"He's with the counselor."
"Which one?"
"Suk-ja Park."
"Well, I have good news and bad news."
"Tell me the bad first." I took in a shaky breath and braced myself.
"Alice is entering the final weeks of her life." I kept my hand over my mouth. It was the only thing preventing me from bursting onto tears right then and there.
"And...the good news?" I can't be crying. Not now. Not here. I need to be strong.
"Her misery will end soon. We can move her to a hospice facility or we can keep her here. The hospice facility is more comfortable and is better equipped to handle situations like yours." After taking a fact sheet about hospice care, Steve came back and practically ran to my side.
"So what is it?" I relayed the information to him.
"The oncologist said Alice is entering the final weeks of her life." I wiped a stray tear from my eye. "I don't know what we're going to do." Burying my face in Steve's shirt, I wept profusely. He put an arm around me and, at that point, I knew why we we decided to fight this battle.
Saturday, July 8, 2017
Stealth Killer (Jordan)
"...So, is Brittany entering any competitions?"
"No, but she's performing at the showcase."
"I saw what she's performing to. Her dance teacher picked the worst choreography. Elizabeth would have been a better fit for her routine." Pretending not to hear, I diverted my attention to the list of diamond engraving tools. I needed a new laser to make diamond swords since mine either won't turn on or keeps adjusting itself to random power settings.
The two dance moms kept yapping on about how their daughters were superior to the others while I bought my laser with Bitcoin. Speaking of Bitcoin, Alex made enough money to buy a T shirt. She also made headway on her academic work and is already up to doing pre-algebra. I use a program that treats learning math like a game and, with that game, Alex learns more math than she ever can in a classroom. Not only that, she can be trusted to straighten out her own sword, something not many of her peers can do.
Speaking of her peers, Alex made some new friends from her pre-pointe class: Daria Sadovskaya, Cadence Laskas, and Hanako Kuranaga. Daria was pulled out of Mindcrack because of the recent suicide crisis while Hanako was forced to remain in the school despite her wishes to not attend. Cadence attends Snapcraft Middle School. The four of them like exchanging tips and talking about their experiences in dance and life in general.
I saw another Desert Tribune report on how MNN (Minecraft News Network) threatened to dox a Mindcrack student for talking about the Mindcrack suicide crisis on her YouTube and Twitter. The Tweets she was doxxed over were the following:
Let's remember that the #MindcrackClassOfNever included kids who didn't live to blow out their 13th birthday candles.
The #MindcrackClassofNever should not be forgotten. Suicide is a common problem and the fact that no one seems to care is very disturbing.
MNN publicly released information about her home address, class schedule, and cell phone number after she refused to apologize for her Tweets. She claimed that "everyone wants [her] to do the right thing, so that's what [she] did."
So there you have it. MNN doxxed this teen for talking about her school's problems, not because she said anything disrespectful, but because she happened to say something on the wrong day: March 20th. She was accused of hijacking a day dedicated to remembering the victims of the Havencraft High School massacre. After some criticism, she responded with this:
I said nothing about Havencraft nor did I imply that it was less tragic of an event than the Mindcrack suicide crisis.
Get your heads out of the ground. Societal pressure is a stealth killer and we all know it.
Just as I finished reading the report and the bulk of the pre-pointe class came walking through the door, I heard some moms make catty comments about Alex. While I understand that girls her age can be cruel, they can't possibly be any worse than dance moms.
"You know that girl with red hair? She really needs to lose weight."
"Alex?"
"If this were my ballet studio, that beached whale would be out in a heartbeat."
"Well, I know how to help her shed a few pounds" That's it. Make all the digs you want at me. Call me odd. Call me antisocial. Go so far as to call me a misanthropist, but my daughter is off limits.
"I'm not having my daughter develop an eating disorder just so she can please some lowlife like you." I pretended to turn my phone off to activate a recording feature. She's given me a lot of flack Alex, mostly about things she cannot control. From calling her natural red hair 'unprofessional' to suggesting that she get plastic surgery, she obviously has some kind of beef with herself and feels the need to take it out on a young girl.
"It's not an 'eating disorder'. It's called maintaining the figure expected of a ballerina. No company is going to want some blubber mass on their stage." How do you know that Alex's ultimate goal as a dancer is to dance in a company? She could very well be a singer, instrumentalist, teacher, or even caregiver if she so desires. I took another glance at her shirt, which had #AvengeHavencraft written across her rather wide chest. She questioned me about why I was studying her shirt, but she said that "any decent person would avenge the 91 students that died that day" and stalked off with Elizabeth at her side.
If she is so interested in avenging the 91 students who died in an anomaly event, then why is she so intent on sending a stealth killer after my daughter?
"No, but she's performing at the showcase."
"I saw what she's performing to. Her dance teacher picked the worst choreography. Elizabeth would have been a better fit for her routine." Pretending not to hear, I diverted my attention to the list of diamond engraving tools. I needed a new laser to make diamond swords since mine either won't turn on or keeps adjusting itself to random power settings.
The two dance moms kept yapping on about how their daughters were superior to the others while I bought my laser with Bitcoin. Speaking of Bitcoin, Alex made enough money to buy a T shirt. She also made headway on her academic work and is already up to doing pre-algebra. I use a program that treats learning math like a game and, with that game, Alex learns more math than she ever can in a classroom. Not only that, she can be trusted to straighten out her own sword, something not many of her peers can do.
Speaking of her peers, Alex made some new friends from her pre-pointe class: Daria Sadovskaya, Cadence Laskas, and Hanako Kuranaga. Daria was pulled out of Mindcrack because of the recent suicide crisis while Hanako was forced to remain in the school despite her wishes to not attend. Cadence attends Snapcraft Middle School. The four of them like exchanging tips and talking about their experiences in dance and life in general.
I saw another Desert Tribune report on how MNN (Minecraft News Network) threatened to dox a Mindcrack student for talking about the Mindcrack suicide crisis on her YouTube and Twitter. The Tweets she was doxxed over were the following:
Let's remember that the #MindcrackClassOfNever included kids who didn't live to blow out their 13th birthday candles.
The #MindcrackClassofNever should not be forgotten. Suicide is a common problem and the fact that no one seems to care is very disturbing.
MNN publicly released information about her home address, class schedule, and cell phone number after she refused to apologize for her Tweets. She claimed that "everyone wants [her] to do the right thing, so that's what [she] did."
So there you have it. MNN doxxed this teen for talking about her school's problems, not because she said anything disrespectful, but because she happened to say something on the wrong day: March 20th. She was accused of hijacking a day dedicated to remembering the victims of the Havencraft High School massacre. After some criticism, she responded with this:
I said nothing about Havencraft nor did I imply that it was less tragic of an event than the Mindcrack suicide crisis.
Get your heads out of the ground. Societal pressure is a stealth killer and we all know it.
Just as I finished reading the report and the bulk of the pre-pointe class came walking through the door, I heard some moms make catty comments about Alex. While I understand that girls her age can be cruel, they can't possibly be any worse than dance moms.
"You know that girl with red hair? She really needs to lose weight."
"Alex?"
"If this were my ballet studio, that beached whale would be out in a heartbeat."
"Well, I know how to help her shed a few pounds" That's it. Make all the digs you want at me. Call me odd. Call me antisocial. Go so far as to call me a misanthropist, but my daughter is off limits.
"I'm not having my daughter develop an eating disorder just so she can please some lowlife like you." I pretended to turn my phone off to activate a recording feature. She's given me a lot of flack Alex, mostly about things she cannot control. From calling her natural red hair 'unprofessional' to suggesting that she get plastic surgery, she obviously has some kind of beef with herself and feels the need to take it out on a young girl.
"It's not an 'eating disorder'. It's called maintaining the figure expected of a ballerina. No company is going to want some blubber mass on their stage." How do you know that Alex's ultimate goal as a dancer is to dance in a company? She could very well be a singer, instrumentalist, teacher, or even caregiver if she so desires. I took another glance at her shirt, which had #AvengeHavencraft written across her rather wide chest. She questioned me about why I was studying her shirt, but she said that "any decent person would avenge the 91 students that died that day" and stalked off with Elizabeth at her side.
If she is so interested in avenging the 91 students who died in an anomaly event, then why is she so intent on sending a stealth killer after my daughter?
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